The writer’s opening paragraph is clearly influnced by feedback from the instructor on an earlier draft of the cover letter. In his feedback, the instructor told the writer that the opening paragraph needed a stronger argument to convince the employer that the writer was the worthy candidate for the job. As a result, the final draft has a much more confident tone. For example, in the early draft, the writer says, “I have completed two and a half years at West Virginia University as an undergraduate in civil engineering.” However, in the final draft, he says, “I will bring with me the strong foundation of engineering concepts and principles that I have learned in two and a half years at West Virginia University as an undergraduate in civil engineering.”
The instructor proposes adding an “X,Y,Z” list to two sentences in the writer’s second paragraph. This results in the writer adding more detail to his account of his education in civil engineering. For example, instead of “I have purposely taken a variety of civil engineering classes…”, he writes, “I have purposely taken a variety of civil engineering courses such as transportation engineering, structural analysis I, and fluid mechanics.”
Following the instructor’s advice, the writer strengthens the opening sentence of the third paragraph by making it more confident: “Throughout my work experience I have learned many skills such as hard work, teamwork, and reliability.” Finally, the writer adds several sentences concerning his Mylan Pharmaceuticals internship as a result of the instructor’s advice to do so. This helps emphasize the success of the writer in his previous internship.
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